Just sitting here eating some raisins and thinking … you know that’s going to be trouble.
I used to eat them all time as a kid, raisins that is; then I sort of grew out of them. Just like that or so it would seem, like most people I stopped eating them. What I mean is, kids tend to eat raisins more then adults, maybe it’s those little boxes they come in. You know those little one serving size boxes, Sun-Maid was way ahead of their time when it came to packaging. They had those snack packs a decade ahead of everyone else. We’re talking the 70’s and they had snack packs, maybe sooner I don’t know. I wasn't around before then, I was a kid in the 70’s and I had them, I don’t really care if you 50’s kids had them, you had Elvis, TV dinners & poodle skirts, isn’t the enough? Snack packs in the 70’s, pretty cool when you think about it.
Not as pretty as the Sun-Maid chick, mind you. Okay before you think how twisted it is to say a logo on a box of raisins is a hottie, take a look at her. Go ahead, I’ll make time.
Did you look?
Cute right?
Remind you of anyone?
Winona Ryder?
Yes the answer is yes. It does look like Winona, it looks just like Winona when she had long hair.
Remember, before she went bat shit and shoplifted without a disguise. (These rich Hollywood types, they never take the time to prepare, put a bandana over your face or at the very least a fake nose and mustache.) If only she had planned ahead of time, well that and kept that long beautiful hair of hers, she was a hottie. Did I mention that already? I have no idea what she looks like now but she was a hottie and the Sun-Maid babe is a hottie too, in a drawing, puritan, logo sort of way.
But I wasn’t thinking about Winona Ryder wearing a Richard Nixon mask eating raisins and stealing Edward ScissorHand’s suspenders, no that just sort of slipped out. I wasn’t even thinking about those tiny little boxes of raisins that poodle skirt wearing Elvis fans were once dreaming of, and I sure as shit wasn’t thinking about how people would react to someone who talked about the Sun Maid babe in a shagging sort of way. Nope, none of that, what I was thinking was that raisins are really creepy looking.
They are!
Yes they are. They are creepy.
Are to.
(Sound of stomping feet off) – that would be the raisin eating inner child
Really, you have to agree with me on this.
No really, you HAVE to agree or I send Tony No-Neck over and you don’t want that, he’s been grumpy lately.
Okay, don’t take my word for it, go have a look for yourself, I’ll wait…again.
F’ed up, wouldn’t you say? Creepy even.
One of those things you have to question.
Who was the first to say, “ I’ll eat um ”? Because it wouldn’t have been me, they’re creepy looking.
Hey look!
What are those brown, shriveled up nasty rabbit dropping looking things on the table where we left our grapes last month?
I have no idea but lets eat um.
WRONG!
Maybe it was some sort of winery bully that forced a poor little barrel maker’s son to eat them or be weggied and have his head dunked in a bucket of vinegar. Well that’s how I see it, if you have a better theory I’m all ears.
They just don’t look all that appetizing, maybe that’s why kids eat them. It’s true kids won’t eat broccoli but if they find something gross looking they’ll pop it in their mouths, no really it’s true, kids eat dirt why not raisins? I know they’re sweet, and somewhat tasty and probably help keep you regular but it’s not like they scream out eat me. Pizza has that effect, marsh mellows have that effect, raisins don’t. Yet millions of people enjoy raisins in food, on food and as food, I’m stymied.
But kids love them, and for some strange reason they don’t eat prunes, old people eat prunes.
I’ll eat either, but for the most part I don’t, one is for kids, the other for old people trying to keep regular. I’m as regular as I’m going to get. (Go ahead and insert joke here) People are nuts to associate food with ages, but we do it, even with nuts. Kids start off with peanuts, as you get older pistachios, then almonds, mature folks eat walnuts, and old people still eat prunes.
I know, I know, but that doesn’t change the facts, raisins are ugly dried up brown mushy things that kids eat.
Creepy little fruit.
