I was just thinking about hunters and their code of ethics, you know the one about not wasting any part of the kill. As always, I can’t help but see it from the other side.
So here are 10 (short) versions of how that might just go down...
VERSION 1
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: Why yes Mr. Bunny I will.
Mr. Rabbit: And if I may be so bold as to ask, what will you be doing with my remains?
Mr. Hunter: I was thinking of making Hasenpfeffer and maybe using your fur to make a purse for my love, I will chop off your feet and sell them as good luck pieces, and use your innards to feed my dog.
Mr. Rabbit: Oh wow you have many uses for me that is nice to know, it’s always good to be useful.
Mr. Hunter: Well I don’t like to waste, I know a guy who kills Bunnies and lets them rot, I think he shames the name of the hunter.
Mr. Rabbit: So just out of curiosity if I were to sneak into your house and kill your wife, make stew from her meat, a pocketbook from her breasts, sold her feet for dog food, and made a wig from her head you’d be ok with this?
BANG Dead Bunny
VERSION 2
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: Why yes Mr. Bunny I will. But don’t you worry, I will make good use of your remains, I won’t waste a bit.
Mr. Rabbit: Well that’s good news I was starting to get pissed off for being murdered.
BANG Dead Bunny
VERSION 3
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: Why yes and I will make good use of you right down to your feet.
Mr. Rabbit: My feet?
Mr. Hunter: Yes your feet, good luck they are.
Mr. Rabbit: Doesn’t seem to be.
Bang Dead Bunny
VERSION 4
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: Yes, but don’t you fear Mr. Bunny, it’s a good day to die, and I won’t waste your death, my family will eat and rejoice in your life.
Mr. Rabbit: Well they already do.
Mr. Hunter: Huh?
Mr. Rabbit: You never asked me my first name.
Mr. Hunter: Ok then what is your first name Mr. Bunny?
Mr. Rabbit: Easter
Mr. Hunter: I’m an atheist.
Bang Dead Bunny
VERSION 5
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Bang Dead Bunny
Mr. Hunter: Ask a stupid question …
VERSION 6
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: How would you like the privilege of feeding my poor family?
Mr. Rabbit: Do they like carrot con carnie? I‘m a great cook
Mr. Hunter: Don’t make this harder then it has to be
Mr. Bunny: But I’m cute and fluffy
Mr. Hunter: Yes and you will make a great purse
Bang Dead Bunny
VERSION 7
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: Hello Mr. Bunny how would you like to feed my family tonight?
Mr. Rabbit: Oh that would be great. I just found a recipe for broiled asshole, I’ll use your head.
Bang Dead Bunny
VERSION 8
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: Yes and I vow not to waste any of your remains.
Mr. Rabbit: Do you think I really give a flying fuck asshole?
Bang Dead Bunny
VERSION 9
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: Yup, sorry little fellow but I am strong and you are weak.
Mr. Rabbit: True enough, may I say my prayers before you send me to the great carrot patch in the sky?
Mr. Hunter: It’s the least I can do
Mr. Rabbit: I’ll say
Bang Dead Bunny
VERSION 10
Mr. Rabbit: Hello Mr. Hunter will you be killing me today?
Mr. Hunter: I am the human and you are the pray, it must be this way
Mr. Rabbit: So it seems, may I have a moment of prayer before you send that hunk of lead into my little head.
Mr. Hunter: Sympathy will get you nowhere but sure why not, I’ve got the time.
Mr. Rabbit pulls out a gun and shoots the Hunter dead, hops over his body with his bloody feet to warn against other hunters that the bunnies obtained guns from their grandfathers closets and aren’t afraid to use them.
Within hours the hunt begins for the killer rabbit for no such creature is fit to live on this Earth. After all who is he to kill, even if it’s in defense of his own life.
From last report Mr. Rabbit is standing trial for his life, but word on the street is that it will be a mistrial it seems one juror was seen with a cookbook labeled The Health Benefits of Rabbit Stew.
