Every now and then, more often then a blue moon, less often then a somewhat cataclysmic ice age, I get this feeling inside. And no it’s not indigestion or gas, not even heart burn, although it might be heart related, I’m not really sure. Not heart related as in an artery clogging LDL plague like goo sort of way, but more of a spiritual soul driven, a dream is a wish your heart makes sort of way, without the singing rodents.
You may be reading this thinking; okay he must have just had one of those soul shaking episodes and now feels compelled to litter the information super highway with his somewhat self-absorbed pseudo-shrink-wrapped egotistical insights that should be overwhelmingly obvious to a hula hoop let alone a person of reasonable intelligence with a size 13 shoe. But hang in there I may come up with some pithy conclusion that will shock and amaze you and if not I’ll at least most assuredly take the scenic route to get to our final destination. And isn’t getting there more then half the fun? I thought so too.
I guess I should explain one of my many life credo’s, and that is ‘If you’re not growing your dying’. This doesn’t mean that you should gain a pound every week or you’ll die, that’s just crazy talk, everyone knows you need to gain 3.2 lbs a week in order to substance life. No, what it means is that while we are still upright and taking up precious resources here on this spherical moist rock we call Earth why not learn something. No one knows everything, and contrary to what some people think, they could use some improvements.
I basically think no one is done cooking, we’re all handyman specials, fixer-uppers if you will. So instead of believing that you are good enough at this moment, why not open yourself up to the possibility that there is more growing to be done. I realize you can’t always do this and life has plenty of distractions along the way, some of which are really cool distractions, (I too like the ladies). I also realize some of life’s distractions are a lot more serious, like money, properly raising children and those Sudoku number puzzle do-a-ma-hickies. But in-between life’s fun little hurdles I try to learn something that might improve my quality of life or at the very least fill my head with fun filled factoids that may prove invaluable if when trying to enter the Pearly Gates it turns out St. Peter has switched to more of a game show format. We’ll see.
Anyway, I have this feeling that I need to grow again, maybe it’s a feeling of restlessness, maybe it’s a feeling of being stagnant, maybe it really is gastrointestinal, whatever the cause, the feeling is there. One of the problems is that I don’t know what it is I’m looking to learn, I just feel like my soul isn’t satisfied with life and I need more.
It’s not that I have too much time on my hands either. I have no time on my hands, none, zilch, nada, empty bottle of time, booked up, rundown, dragged out, bell has rung, no time. And yet I still find a way to write this. I’ve got nothing. But it’s true, no time. You see time is a precious resource more rare then a singing aardvark wading in a pool of chocolate milk & foie gras; and that my friend is rare.
Maybe I need to travel, get away for a while, go on holiday. I love to go to places I’ve never been and see things I’ve never seen. Traveling is great, well except the traveling part, I hate the traveling part of traveling, that’s what sucks. Well that’s not even true, that wasn’t it at all, what I really hate is mass transit. That’s the part of traveling that really sucks the monkey’s big toe. All mass transit is a big monkey’s toe suck job. It’s true. Think about it. Lets not focus on cabs, busses, trains, boats or rickshaws lets go right to the big mac daddy of all mass transit, air flight.
Airport check-in sucks, baggage check sucks, boarding sucks, not being able to stretch out sucks, dealing with other cranky people sucks, delays suck, turbulence sucks, getting lied to by everyone who works for the airline industry sucks, baggage claim sucks, airport traffic sucks, that crappy recycled air sucks, being treated like veal sucks, strip searches and anal probing sucks. Oh don’t act like you’ve never been searched for narcotics before. I can smell it on you like cheap perfume, you are a mule. It’s a suck fest of epic proportion with or without the monkey toe. But we do all this to get to our final destination.
Hey I think this is all coming together.
Life’s a trip most of us are traveling on in coach without a Sudoku puzzle listening to the comb over in 15b complain about the price of foie gras. But here’s the thing, we can make the choice to move our seat, stop at the newsstand, order pizza instead of fatty liver or get off the plane at the next stop over and jump a flight to Hawaii first class. And first class has legroom baby, lots of legroom. And by the way, first class doesn’t cost any more then coach, you just have to know how to travel.
So now I just have to figure out what flight I want to get on and make sure no one packs my bags for me.
Simple huh?
