The Bald Eagle is coming off the endangered list, now if we could just set up a Federal Program to get them Rogaine.
According to the news today, there was about 417 breeding pairs of Bald Eagles in the US in 1967, now they say there is about 10,000 pairs… Sounds like the Eagles have been busy getting their funk on. Makes me happy to see the follicly challenged, winged symbols of freedom doing well.
Haliaeetus leucocephalus alascanus to some PhD’s who are picky about such things, but much like the Humerus bone, I don’t care for technical jargon, so I’ll stick to the layman’s terms; how else could I tickly your funny bone with the hair replacement jokes.
To the best of my recollection, the only time I remember seeing these majestic birds up close and in person was in the Philadelphia Zoo, his name is Ritz. Made me sad.
It really did, I laughed of course at the irony of it all, as I read the plaque that was in front of Ritz’s cage. It mentioned everything you would imagine about being the symbol of America, I read along as I looked up at Ritz in the cage in the birthplace of the Constitution and our Declaration of Freedom.
At least we weren’t in New Hampshire, or I suspect I would have seen Ritz with a pistol in his mouth. I’ve always admired New Hampshire and their convictions. For those of you who are not so familiar and haven’t seen one of their license plates in awhile, they have, by far, the coolest state motto in the lower 48 and the detached 2, (I’m not even going to address the inaccuracies with that one).
Live Free Or Die, (for those who aren’t up on New Hampshire or state mottos). Pretty cool huh? Of course with the new Bruce (moonlightning, mclaine, yippy ki ay, mother f’er) Willis movie coming out, New Hampshire might be a tad miffled, although I doubt the movie has anything to do with New Hampshire, the Revolutionary War, or even Eagles. But still General John Stark should be honored that his quote was bastardized to make a promised block buster movie for the summer of aught 7.
Which brings me to another subject I’ve been dying to address. I waited many years for the new millennium just so I could say it’s aught 6, or back in aught 2. I first heard the term when I was a kid watching The Music Man on TV. For those of you who have never seen it, it’s about a future Victor Victoria transvestite salesman who falls in love with Mrs. Partridge (before she met Rubin) who’s son, Opie Cunningham the self imposed mute child learns to play 76 trombones, and in doing so gets the confidence to talk to Fonzi who helps him ship the oatmeal dude into outer space. I know, it’s complicated, but a fun musical for the family, especially if you like misquoted phraseology.
Where was I?
Oh yea, aught 1 though aught 9, we only have 2 and half aughts left and no one is using it. It may be passé but I like it and I want to use it. Sure you’ll all look at me like I’m nuts, but I’ve sort of come to expect that, especially after writing things like that synopsis of The Music Man. Who am I kidding? No one is reading this and even if you are you can’t see me. Okay fine you can see me, but I can’t see you seeing me, not yet anyway but if you move a little to the right… Good, that’s better. Now fix your hair.
Again where was I?
The second half of “Live Free Or Die” is “Death Is Not The Worst Of Evils." Wearing a really bad toupee is.
That’s right, it’s better to be pushing up daisies then walking around with a rat cap on you head. Otherwise a Bald Eagle might swoop down and grab it while you’re on your way to the movies. After all there are over 20,000 of them flying about these days, and 1 in a cage, watching Braveheart, doing his best impression of Mel Gibson, yelling FREEDOM.
