I’m not a big fan of daytime TV, in fact I sort of loath it. Soap Operas make me want to stick burning hot skewers into my frontal lobe and talk shows make me want to hang Oprah by her pinky toes over a high flame. I’m not a big game show watching kind of guy, but there was a time when I was a kid, when they would pass for mind numbing candy to pass the time, especially when I was home sick.
Remember those days, home from school, feeling pretty crappy, nothing to do but sleep and watch TV. Mom had a few stock meals depending on what ailed you; toast, Jello, toast, College Inn Chicken broth with tiny little pasta thingies, toast, ginger ale to wash down the toast, and if you were close to the end, a grilled cheese sandwich on toast. She always brought it to you with love and a smile and then cleaned up afterwards. It was the only time growing up we had personal maid service, didn’t have to do chores and we got to control the TV, except for the being sick part, it was a pretty cool day.
Controlling the TV wasn’t what it is today, we didn’t have remotes, you had to get up and actually change the channel, and there were no buttons, just one big dial that had a very hard click to it. Well actually 2 big dials but I still haven’t found anyone who ever watched UHF channels. And there weren’t many channels to watch; 2,4,5,7,9,11 & 13, that’s 3 networks, 3 locals and PBS that’s it. But on one of those channels every weekday for one hour was Bob Barker and The Price is Right.
Now I’m not going to defend this show (or maybe I will), it’s as stupid, tacky and obnoxious as it gets but somehow, someway it feels right. It has all the glitz and glamour that a 70’s show could muster up and to this day seems to have never lost that feel, and damn it, there’s something about that, that I love, I can’t help it I just do.
The premise is easy enough, guess the price of an item, any item, but have really sexy women wearing bikinis to display the merchandise. Boats, RVs, dinning room sets, luggage, Turtle Wax, it didn’t matter just as long Barker’s Beauties were there with a smile and a short skirt, what’s not to love? I had such a thing for Holly Hallstrom, still makes my blood pump just thinking about her.
…
Sorry, my mind just wondered off for a minute. Now where was I?
I honestly don’t remember.
Damn she still has that effect on me.
Anyway, my point is or was something about Bob.
Oh right, Bob is like that Uncle you have that you don’t always get to see and you probably take for granted but you feel a certain amount of comfort just knowing that he’s there when you need him. And that’s a nice thing to have. An Uncle Bob.
Now that I’m an adult not living with mom, I no longer get soup and crackers or ginger ale, or even toast. I don’t get waited on, no one is there to bring me an extra blanket when I’m cold, no one is there to kiss my forehead, but if I turn on the TV to channel 2, Bob is there with his games, girls and Turtle Wax and I still get that same old comfort feeling to wash over me. That is up until now.
Bob has decided to call it quits after 35 years on the Price is Right. Not a bad run if you ask me, he earned his retirement but still the selfish part of me wishes he’d keep on going forever. And what makes it really selfish is I never watch the show. I’m almost never home and when I am, I still don’t make the effort, except but for once in a blue moon, when I’m feeling like a truck hit me and there are 75,000 tissues scattered about my floor, 89 blankets on top of me, a cup of tea with honey almost gone and a remote control in my hand. Then I click to CBS and that feeling hits me, I’m 10 years old again and someone is there keeping me company. I figure at any given time there must be hundreds of thousands of sick people home watching Bob and smiling at the girls who always smile back, and that’s a lot of smiling, especially for sick people.
I’m going to miss Bob, I’m going to miss Barker’s Beauties, I’m going to miss the golf game, and the Alpine Guy who tumbles over the mountain when he goes to high, the Plinko game and the big wheel which I never got to spin. I’m going to miss him telling me to ”Help control the pet population, have your pets spayed or neutered” I’m going to miss it all, and I’m really going to miss that comfort feeling that came with it.
It seems the older you get the more things you have to give up and say good bye to, things that make the world a little more bearable, that make you feel like it’s your world, your home. You could call it growing up, I just think it sucks.
Thanks Bob for making sick days suck a little bit less. And as a tribute I think we should all go out and get someone we love spayed or neutered. Come On Down…
