I think my readership is down.
Suffering if you will from lack of attention, much like those monkeys who were put into captivity and given a piece of rug to love. It’s not good. I know what you’re thinking how could it be down if it was never up? Truth be told, a friend once read my first entry and I’m pretty sure has never been back since.
I write for a few reasons:
- I like it.
- Because I think it will make me a better writer.
- Because I like to rant, and maybe, just maybe, someone out there will relate to the misfiring
synopsissynapses in my noggin.
The third is of course why I decide to take some of my ramblings public. Although in reality publishing a blog these days isn’t any more public then walking through time square doing your best impression of Susanna Hoffs singing Walk like an Egyptian, no one is going to listen unless you’re in your underwear wearing a cowboy hat. Even then it’s questionable. So as a blogger you are destined to end up a sniper with your grandfather’s semi-automatic high powered rifle with laser scope and carved wood stock handle if you are counting on readership to help prop up your writing ego.
Unless of course you find a way to promote your log. As of right this minute, I have one avid reader, and if you don’t count the author then I have none. Yup that’s right I’m the only one to have read all of my writings and most likely the only one who cares, but like I said I do it for me. I have visions of being a great writer who came up through the ranks, a blogger of no importance, who believed in the American Dream and became an influential part of the global fabric that helps form the stitches of society. Yes that’s right I will help change the world for the better, or get carpal tunnel trying.
I went to Google and did a search for my site, it didn’t know me. Now I know what your thinking, it’s a new site maybe the fabled internet spiders are still eating flies and haven’t gotten around to searching out my site. There’s a lot of territory out there in the vast space known as the INTERNET.
Did you hear a load boom?
Probably not, you see I’m using blogger, which means it’s free, and with that freeness comes a low budget, and therefore no booming INTERNET sound effects. Shame really because it’s so much more fun when you have sound effects on queue. Okay lets try this, go back and read that again, but this time do it out loud using your best James Earl Jones voice. Go on, don’t be shy, no one is here to make fun of you, trust me, it’s just you, go ahead.
Back?
Pretty cool huh?
You see it’s so much better with the James Earl Mufasa Vader Jones voice isn’t it? So as I was saying, this is Blogger, owned by Google and still no listing. If Google can’t find one of their own hosted sites what chance have you got?
None!
That’s what chance you have of finding the literary equivalent to … ummmm… aaaaa… well… Beef Jerky.
I’ll try and figure out why that is in a bit. We have bigger fish to fry, you and I.
You see unless you know the exact link name, not even Google will help you out. And who‘s day would be complete without reading this Beef Jerky?
The answer of course is no one’s, nobody’s day would or will be complete without my jerky, sorry that’s just the way it is. And here we have Google, the premier search engine who can’t seem to even find the missing jerkey to their day.
I need a viewer for my spotlight, an ear for my soap box, an audience of dedicated people who will stop at nothing to muse over the pearls of wisdom that will ooze from this site. In short I need you to be proactive and tell the world you have seen the future of Blogs and it’s name is Gray Matter Garbage.
I think I had you, right up until the name right? I lost you with the name didn’t I?
Yup, it’s the name isn’t it. You don’t think Garbage and good things go hand in hand do you?
They do you know, Ebay’s the number one buyer-seller site ever known to man, simply because one man’s garbage is another man’s gold. You see I’ve put some thought into this, much like the Beef Jerky analogy, okay maybe not at all like the Beef Jerky analogy, but just as much thought, which isn’t very much, but it is free. That’s right this is free reading damn it! And in this bill by the month world in which we live, this my friend is a bargain of the highest order. High order bargain, that’s what they’ll say.
And they will too, you’ll see.
Okay back to the beef Jerky analogy
My writing is like beef jerky:
...because it takes a lot of effort to swallow it
No, that can’t be good.
...because it repeats within 5 minutes
Nope, still not exactly what I’m striving for
...because it rhymes with Freak Turkey.
I have no idea what that means either.
...because it’s dried out and gives you bad breath
...because high profile models dig it, maybe
...because like Tang it’s been in space
...because how else could you put cow remains in a 5 ounce bag?
...because it’s leather free
...because neither have preservatives.
Okay maybe it’s not like beef jerky, maybe it’s more like Pizza.
Everyone loves pizza, it just depends on how you make it.
Yes that’s it!
My writing is the equivalent of, not like beef jerky, but pizza, made by Luigi.
So order some tonight, and you can throw out the paper plates.
And just as I put the finishing touches on this insightful read I find out that Google goes and creates a new service called Google Blog Search, type in Gray Matter Garbage and I’ll be in the number one place… Life is good... like beef jerky
